Adnan`s Crazy Blogging World

I was at Khala’s house in J Block to see the Janwar my cousin brought few days ago. After the Ziarat of the buffalo, I went to TV lounge and started watching Saudi TV which was telecasting live HAJJ Transmission. I was waiting for my cousin who was not at home at that time. It was the day of Arafah and there were scenes from Arafat; Mount of Arafat,Masjid Nimra, Masjid Khef etc etc and it was reminding me my last Umrah trip where I was able to see all of them in off season but that can’t be compared with what one feels during Hajj.

The time I turned the TV on, the Hajj sermon had already started. They were showing different scenes of the place. People from all part of the world gathered at the place to please Allah. There were different scenes then camera focused an old man who had wrinkles near eyes and was thinking something. Suddenly I saw a stream of tears coming from his left eye and that scene captured me for minutes. This post is due to the tears I saw in his eyes..

I can’t figure out what made him to cry. No one can. Whether they were tears to thank Allah who gave him chance to witness this moment in his life or he was repenting his old sins or he was missing his beloved at this place or he was feeling the blessings of Allah or he was surprised that HE was given a chance to visit the place, I don’t know at all. All I know he had tears in his eyes.

It sent me back to 2003 when I performed my first ever Umrah which happened to be my first ever trip out of Pakistan as well. When I entered in premises of Masjidul Haram from Gate Abdul Aziz, the structure of big building made my mouth open for few seconds. For few moments I didn’t believe that I was standing at the place which is most sacred for Allah(SWT) and His Prophet(SAW). I was seeing tall and beautiful minarets of Masjidul Haram which I used to see in pictures only. I was walking very slowly as if I have lots of burden. I was not believing in what my eyes were actually seeing because only Allah knew and me how did I manage to make my first visit which was not more than 5 days. When I was approaching to the main gate of Abdul Aziz which is linked above, I was thinking many things and then suddenly I felt moisture in my eyes. Yes I was physically present at the place which has been dreamt by billions in past 15 centuries. Many were able to make a visit and there were many people who could not make it and shifted in their graves. Offcourse there are/were many who don’t consider this place worthy enough to visit once in a life time. I was feeling alone yet very special as if I have been treated as a special guest by the host of this place, the Allah(SWT).

Lots of my relatives and friends who had already visited the place advised me to keep my gaze lower since first sight of Kabah is very important and it’s said that whatever one asks from Allah, it’s fulfilled. I never tried to find out Islamic interpetition of this particular thing. At that time I didn’t notice to find out much and I did what others asked me for. I entered in the main building, crossed one set of stairs and others and finally I reached in Mutaf and I raised my eyes and could not move for few moments. Umm-e-Habiba recited very right:

Kabay par pari jab Pahli Nazar
Kia Chez the Dunya bhool Gaya

I was like a poor man who gets a precious diamond from somewhere and he loses all of his senses since that was too unexpected from him and don’t know how to deal with it or like a person who sees his Mehboob(the lover)  first time and loses all of his senses. At that time you don’t seek any logic, any science or philosophy to prove those movements. There are many things which you can’t prove logically, I was also experiencing such movements. I was looking at that black building which is the center of billions of Muslim around the world. The black building was too much attractive for me and I could not stare it for long time. That is other thing I felt entirely different later. It’s just like a kid get scared after seeing some of elderly figure and later get used to of the person after having his love. This is what I felt when I spent more time over there.This was the second time I felt my eyes wet.

I performed Umrah and reached back to my hotel. I was a bit afraid that I don’t commit any sin there or perform things improperly. I had started my Umrah at time ofTahajud and completed at time of Fajr. It took me around 1 hour to complete the whole Umrah process. I got up around 9 AM i think and had my break fast at Faisalabad hotel which was a big Pakistani hotel in that lane. No I didn’t have money to stay at some 5-star or 7 star hotel and first time in my life I was staying in a shared room. Anyways after breakfast I went to Masjid again. At that time there was no such crowd and I properly started my Tawwaf. I didn’t know many things. Actually I was doing what others were doing. I could not memorize most of duas mentioned in book. The easiest one I found was Rabanna Ataina which itself is a complete dua and kind of gift of Allah for the followers of Muahmmad(SAW) thus I kept reciting that dua during my whole visit to Masjidul Haram. I saw a big rush near Hajr-e-Aswad, the sacred black stone but I didn’t make attempts to reach there by pushing others. What’s the use of it while my wish hurt others? I don’t know how do people do it by hurting others even after spending lots of money. Maybe they are most pious people on earth hence no fear but I am not. Thus not a single time I made an attempt to reach near to Aswad. I found people weeping infront of wall near Aswad. Somebody told me that it’s called Multazim. I had read about Multazim while I was in Karachi. It’s a very sacred place. The Prophet(SAW) used to pray here alot with tears. I surprised to see that there was much lesser crowd at Multazim. I don’t know why people don’t consider that place more important and waste both time and their naikis by pushing others at Aswad. Then I realized that we are the people who are too emotional and go more for symbolism than actual prayers. I mean, a place where the Prophet(SAW) used to pray a lot should be taken more seriously while even the Prophet(SAW) clearly said visiting Aswad doesn’t give extra reward to someone. Anyways, people and their beliefs. *shrug*. I made my first attempt to reach at Multazim but failed due to rush. I came back and sit on floor and started staring Kaaba. It was around 10 AM I think and sun was not hurting much at that time. I started reading about Multazim further and decided that I should have not missed this place anyway.  I waited for a while then suddenly I got up and started approaching to Multazim again. Then I saw two strong hands of Shurta (Police)who removed a guy from Multazim and pushed me towards the wall. I got stunt for a moment. First time in my life I felt that my dua came true and I felt so special at that time because it was too unexpected. Everyone experiences few things which you can’t comprehend at all and if one starts thinking about them, either he would become a Wali or a Kafir. I didn’t want to be a kafir and I knew I didn’t have guts to be a wali. I had taken off my glasses and had put my hands on wall. I felt the coolness of Kaba wall on my cheeks. It was smelling good. I thought for a moment that this particular place was touched by Muhammad(SAW) and several Prophets(S.A.W) before Him and now ME, an ordinary ignorant Muslim. I was feeling the touch, I could not control this time and I started weeping. I was weeping so much and I didn’t know why. Maybe because of  that moment or maybe I had not imagined that day in my life or due to the sins I had committed or due to the pains and sorrows I had gone thru in my life. I was weeping just like a kid weeps in arms of his mother. I was feeling same. I was experiencing something which I can’t describe in words. I had just burst into tears. I had to make so many duas but I had forgotten everything. I was listening others as well who were weeping. No matter how BIG they were at their places or how old they were, we all had become little kids who were crying in arms of the Mother, in arms of Allah who love us infinite times more than our parents. It was 3rd time I felt tears in my eyes. I stayed there for 5 mins then the security incharge asked me to leave the place. I was thanking Allah that He made a way for me to reach that place which I was wishing just few seconds ago.

I kept doing Tawwaf rest of the days. I also add that I performed my first Tahajud of my life in Makkah. I didn’t even know how many Nafils are performed. I just prayed two nafils and later I found out that I was safe. Anyways during Tawwaf , all men and women, guys and girls perform tawwaf together. Some learned or so called righteous person might raise an issue of it but trust me guys, you don’t get any such feelings which you might feel about opposite sex when you are over there or circling around Ka’ba. You will find Iranian women circling with you but you would not feel to stare them. Atleast I didn’t bring that courage. Infact no one had such thing in mind. Everyone was busy in his/her own way to please Allah. I am not a pious person and I do admit that I used to see girls(not stare) before my first visit to Makkah but I didn’t get courage. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to be pious or maybe I was afraid that I don’t make Allah angry or all of the sudden I felt that I had become the person who had got full control over Nafs? I don’t know at all. I hope I was not being a hypocrite at that time in front of Allah. If I was then it was really a bad deal for me and I was the dumbest person on face of earth.

In 2006 I went again. This time I was with my family hence it was more cool. My parents could not perform Hajj yet but they have seen both places in their lives and thankfully Allah made me to manage things otherwise I am too dumb to manage things. I almost experienced same things like I experienced before but since the place was not new for me so I was not much tensed or nervous and was able to guide my parents and sister to perform rituals. It was my last night in Madinah and we had to leave for airport after few hours. I made my last visit to Roza-e-Rasool(SAW). It was around 11:00PM night which was closing time of the masjid. I was again sitting infront of Roza. Usually it’s said to recite Darood and Salam but at that moment I could not say anything. I was standing silent infront of the gate of Prophet(S.A.W)’s grave and suddenly tears started coming out of my eyes. I had tried a lot but could not control. I was just thinking about this great Person(SAW) who faced so many hardships in His life yet He is not thanked by us. Suddenly a Shurta moved forward and pushed me towards the exit gate(the gate of Gabriel). The poor guy thought that I was praying while I was not! I didn’t want to leave that place but I had to. That was love or sadness, I don’t know but I felt very gloomy at that time. I was in tears again. I was looking at the green tomb(Gumbad-e-Khizra) which would vanish from my eyes in few moments and I would be seeing it again in pictures only. I also knew that I was not sure whether I would be able to visit these places again or not. I wiped my tears and came back to hotel. After few hours we were flying for Pakistan.

You will find so called intellectual people and young lads making an excuse that Allah is everywhere thus why to make a visit? such poor souls don’t make such excuses when they spend hours infront of girls colleges just to see a glimpse of their love. At that time they don’t make such excuses at all since their concern would be to see their loved ones once! It’s all about love my friend. As long as you take Allah and His religion as a ritual only, you will never feel taste, you might get bored too. Try to consider Allah abit more important than other things and you would find yourself what you had been missing in your life.

it all sounds weird to me and it’s all unusual. I offered my first congregational prayer other than Jumma prayers at age of 15 and that too to impress a girl in my neighborhood because I liked that girl a lot and wanted to leave a good impression on her and then after 11 years I was offering prayers in Ka’ba. This journey is quite weird for me.Though I have made two visits yet I feel that I have not performed things which I am supposed to do. Allah knows when will I get another chance; inform of my first hajj or another Umrah. All I know that I am feeling to go again. I am feeling to make my eyes moist again.

And eah, last time my eyes got moist when I was writing this post. Remember me in prayers.

Umrah related posts here and here

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