Adnan`s Crazy Blogging World

On 13th November, Thursday I went to Madni Masjid,Ayesha Manzil. I was visiting after half a year. Last time I went on Shab-e-Jumma(Thursday) on 15th May which happened to be my birth day too but then there was no relation between two events. It’s just I was able to manage my first Sah-Roza trip(a three day Tableeghi trip). Unfortunately I could not write about it despite of my severe desire.

Anyway I reached over there around Maghrib because bayan usually starts after Maghrib which lasts till Isha. I was dropped few hundreds meter away from the main gate since there was a huge crowd(MashaAllah), as usual. When I was heading towards Masjid, I was feeling very strange. All of sudden I started feeling myself the most worthless element on earth surrounded by so many precious things. There were hundreds of people around me who were in hurry to reach Masjid. They belonged to fraternity which gave many good people around me in form of Maulana Tariq Jamil, Mufti Taqi Usmani,Maulana Saad Kandalwi(of India) and many other. This was the masjid which helped Junaid Jamshed to change from a singer to a Islamic preacher and I really wish and pray from bottm of heart that I explore Islam like He did with help of Allah(SWT),his mentors and offcourse his wife who was the main supporter of him for this conversion. I really wish all things go similarly with me as well. I remember it was early 90s when I used to study at Delhi college and fellows used to tell me that Junaid visited the madni masjid on various occasions. At that time I was  quite ignorant about all these things. All I know that I was one of those who used to run away from tableeghis. All I know how my elders used to avoid them when these guys used to knock our door.

Khair, I was discussing how was I feeling when going over there..I was recalling various things in mind. I was recalling how I ignored to visit that place for 6 long months and got busy in wordlly matters. I was recalling my past three years which I spent in blogging discussing several Islamic and other religion related issues. At that time I was feeling embarrassed for various things, not for discussing the matters but how people made impression about me which is not true at all. I had started feeling uncomfortable that how various people have made impression about me while I am not even 1% of what they think about me or visit me and keep in touch with me because they might think I am some sorta very practiced religious guy or have “deep” knowledge of Islam. It made me scared like when one of the commenter called me a latest preacher on my MSN Quran bot post while I had done nothing special that I was declared a preacher but then we Muslims are usually very emotional about religion which is both good and bad. Good in a sense that it could be helpful to explore Islam and study it further and bad in sense that we start giving men more importance than a God and start believing in his words rather than words by Allah(SWT).

In past 3 and half years of blogsphere I came across several people who embraced me due to topics related to the religion and it’s also true several cursed me due to same reason. Several who were against me even didn’t hesitate to declare me a Mullah while I really do not deserve for such respectable title at all. I call it respectable because.. may be I do know the real meaning of Mullah? Atleast Google has more knowledge than many of my friends who “cursed” me by saying a Mullah. I am thankful to them. I am not one but Insha Allah I would like to be one if Allah considered me worthy enough for this title though chances are slim but then Allah can do anything if He wants. He knows the best.

In case if you are not being able to figure out the reason of this post, it’s quite simple. I just want to tell my old blog readers turned friends who like me to due to religion… I just want to tell them that I am not as good as you people think about me. I am pretty ordinary guy who has been struggling a lot to hold the right path, the Sirat-e-Mustaqeem which would lead me to right place one day. I am not knowledgeable at all… yes I am trying to learn but it does not make me pious anyway. Is it a sin to search my origin? why do people start expecting too much? I am not better than you!! who knows I am quite worthless than many who don’t appear good for others? I usually condemn lefts,seculars and liberals here.. who knows I am even more ignorant than many of them or all of them? You people just don’t know me at all. The reason I have discussed my religion more here and on many other forums that I just get angry when I feel my religion is being abused. It’s just like I would be mad when I see my family members are being abused by others. Does that anger makes me a good Muslim? offcourse not. Don’t I abuse my religion? I would have certainly many times. I am even lower than many of my fellow guys and girls who have already taken first step by keeping beard and wearing Hijabs. These people are those who are brave. I am not one, so far.

I feel satisfaction when many people call me a hypocrite, they think they are hurting me but in reality they give me so much peace that I can’t explain at all. I will always be thankful for such people because they have ability to figure out what I am in reality. Offcourse I am a hypocrite.. that I speak about religion and yet not  practicing it fully. I recall an incident related to Noman Bin Sabit(RA) a.k.a Imam Abu Hanifa. The Imam(RA) was used to offer Fajr prayers with the ablution made for Isha prayers(due to his prayers for while night though) and He did it for 40 years. One day He was going somewhere that He heard women discussing him in words,”Look at him! This is Noman(RA) who has always offered Fajr with the ablution made for Isha”. The Greatest Imam(RA) came home and cried and asked Allah to give Him enough courage to do what those women expect from Him. I am not brave and strong like Imam Hanifa(RA). I am a very weak guy with very strong feeling about Allah and His religion and anyone related to it. Yes it’s my wish to start following fully on religion given by Allah via Muhammad(S.A.W) but give me time…till then consider me just like you or an ignorant guy who is sincere to getrid of ignorance. I have no wish to get famous in such matters…I just want to fix myself with help of Allah that would be suffice for me. So if you are in touch with me by thinking I am some pious guy, I would request you to go away because this is not what I am. Accept me as what I am rather considering a noble guy. It hurts when people come to me with lots of expectations and get disappointed later and at times get aggressive with me since I get failed to meet their expectations.

Speaking of expectations remind me about a friend of mine lives in Mangla. These days she often “eats my brain” on fone while discussing the issue she has been going thru. I find no solution other than advising her to recite “Laillah Illah” and “Lahol walaquat Illah Billahe Aliul Azeem” and in return she says,”Adnan tum boht achay ho tum dua kara karo Allah tumhari boht sunta hay” and unwillingly it makes me to laugh in such tense situation because she doesn’t know me at all yet she is expecting a lot from me. At time it annoys a lot but then you have to ignore it so that other person don’t feel bad. I think we are living in times when people seldom do any naiki and any “good” deed is considered Holy.

After coming back from Madni Masjid 6 months back I made an important decision which I thought would be helpful in exploration of God. I thought my decision would helpful for me and several people around me and would change several lives but what I feel today I was wrong. Instead of coming nearer to Allah, I actually went a bit away. I lost that touch and enthusiasm which I had about Islam which I often expressed in my writings and on several others forums. Not only that but lost several other things. Why this happened? I don’t know but did this happen? Yes. May be that decision was not going on right track or I was not being able to figure it out. Coming back and forth is not related with me only. It has happened with several people who wish to follow religion, for instance Junaid Jamshed. This point is very crucial. Shaitan plays very smartly here. Either you will defeat him or you would be defeated. There is no 3rd option at all. What I mean to say that either you would go away from Allah and some day (Godforbid) you will stop believing in Him or would come more nearer to Him so there is a need to understand what’s coming on your mind. Anyways, let me make my point clear, Anything  or person which sends me away from God is not acceptable for me.. even that thing is my mother or Dad. If I ever find they are being obstacle between me and Allah, I would not make a 2nd thought to go away from them and mind you I am not disobeying them anyway. Didn’t Allah and the Prophet(SAW) said to us that we Cant be Muslims unless we give Allah and His Prophet(SAW) more importance than our beloved one so I am not saying something against Shariah. So When I am not giving my parents importance on this particular matter than rest of people don’t matter me at all. Anything or person which leads me towards God will be embraced by me with open heart. Anyone who becomes obstacle between me and Allah is not worthy enough that I even shed tears to lose that thing.That’s my firm belief and decision.

Sometimes things which appear against you help you to explore new channels. Atleast this has happened with me. In past 10 days I was able to visit Madni Masjid. Not only that but Allah blessed me to visit Khanqah and see Hazrat Wala(Db) first time and listen His sayings. Not only that, I was blessed enough that Hazrat Wala(DB) called me specially and met me in person. I was meeting a Shaikh and Arif first time in life. Prior to that I had just read about them in books. He had scanend in few seconds and gave me a smile just like a father gives to his son when he is caught red handed. This meeting was quite unexpected as I was planning to meet Him for years. Infact I came to know about Tariq Jamil later. My Irc friend Imran had introduced me Khanqah back in 97/98. I could not be able to meet Him if certain things would not have happened in past few weeks. I am being thankful of Allah to conside me worthy enough though again I felt same which I had felt while visiting Madni Masjid. Speaking of Khanqah ,Hazrat Wala(DB) and Junaid, I came across a link which dicussed the state of Junaid Jamshed when het met Hazrat Wala(Db) who asked him to recite a nath again and again which made Junaid cried. I want to be like Junaid. He is the guy who was professional when he was a singer and being a professional while practising Islam. Please pray for me that I also find all similar things and partner who does all like it happened with Junaid. Ameen. In short this has been going quite good!

So, I ask my friends and readers that treat me like an ordinary human being and try to correct my mistakes rather expecting me something which I am really not. That would be good for me. If you can’t then better stay away from me. Don’t be an obstacle by considering me something which I am not .I don’t need you at all!

Remember in prayers.